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On One Year Below
Mar. 18th, 2011 02:01 pmThursday night was hard for Cassius. Going about normal business when their lover comes to them without his soul. It felt like--Well not quite that horrible, but it broke their heart to see him like that. He got his soul back but night's end, but it still scared Cassius. Even waking-up, sprawled and clinging to his chest, their ribs sore from laying on all the things in their suit pockets, didn't take all their fear away.
Because Cassius has been scared for almost their whole time in The 'Neath. Various questions and fears weighing on them. Anger, vengeance. Those too push at them. And grief. Questions such as "Am not a good enough detective to find the killer?", "How can I so want vengeance?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I strong enough to do what it takes?" Answers. They still haven't found the answers they seek. All they have is a name of a flower, a name of a man, and a possible location for said man. "Can I--Will I kill this man?", "How can I make him give me the answers?". "Will I become so stained with blood?". The dreams they have been having seem to foresee that their hands will be red.
Questions about friendship. Questions about starting roots. Questions about love. And so many questions about who they, themself are.
And The 'Neath cloys, clings, and suffocates them. Always dark. Dark even with gas light. And not just for its lack of sunshine. Creatures, secrets, people. Almost everything is so, so dark. And this too scares Cassius.
One year ago today, Cassius jumped off the dirigible and landed on Ladybones Road. One year without their answers, one year without going home. They knew the date was coming, but with the Office, they tried to busy themself into not remembering. But after they head to the High Castle on this Friday afternoon, it hits them. And all these crushing worries, fears, questions, and loneliness fall on them. It is all they can do to get out of their clothes-wrinkled from sleeping in, and smelling of Narciso- and into a nightshirt.
Because Cassius has been scared for almost their whole time in The 'Neath. Various questions and fears weighing on them. Anger, vengeance. Those too push at them. And grief. Questions such as "Am not a good enough detective to find the killer?", "How can I so want vengeance?", "Do I have what it takes?", "Am I strong enough to do what it takes?" Answers. They still haven't found the answers they seek. All they have is a name of a flower, a name of a man, and a possible location for said man. "Can I--Will I kill this man?", "How can I make him give me the answers?". "Will I become so stained with blood?". The dreams they have been having seem to foresee that their hands will be red.
Questions about friendship. Questions about starting roots. Questions about love. And so many questions about who they, themself are.
And The 'Neath cloys, clings, and suffocates them. Always dark. Dark even with gas light. And not just for its lack of sunshine. Creatures, secrets, people. Almost everything is so, so dark. And this too scares Cassius.
One year ago today, Cassius jumped off the dirigible and landed on Ladybones Road. One year without their answers, one year without going home. They knew the date was coming, but with the Office, they tried to busy themself into not remembering. But after they head to the High Castle on this Friday afternoon, it hits them. And all these crushing worries, fears, questions, and loneliness fall on them. It is all they can do to get out of their clothes-wrinkled from sleeping in, and smelling of Narciso- and into a nightshirt.
And Cassius flops into their bed.
