On Elizabeth & Robert

"Greasing the penguin" 

This time, Robert was trying to grab a chunk of fish. A careless keeper flung it too high and it landed in an inaccessible spot. Its scales winked tantalisingly in the candlelight, and Robert couldn't resist trying to win it for his beloved. Stupid penguin.

You could just leave him; he'll slim down eventually. But everyone loves a lover, and Elizabeth's cries are too plaintive to ignore. You roll up your sleeves, and grab a pot of whale-blubber.

After much unpleasant effort, Robert is freed. He bows in gratitude, and waddles off to greet an ecstatic Elizabeth. It's only when you hear the applause that you realise quite a crowd has grown; these penguins are very popular. Someone passes a hat round, and presents you with almost enough glim to get the blubber stains cleaned from your shirt. Well done.

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written in their diary:

5 December 1889

I have just come from the Ladybones wash house. I had to bribe one of the workers to let me in this late at night, but...I knew I would be unable to clean up with just the basin I have here. I had not known whale blubber had such a smell. This could be due to the age of this particular bucket, but I do not wish to investigate such a thing.

Why did I even come in contact with it, is because I used it to grease a trapped penguin. I had not thought there were even penguins -in- London, but while searching for the Tiger Keeper, I came across Elizabeth & Robert. A pair of 'Yellow-eyed penguins'--going by their enclosure plaque. I am sure you would have found the fact that they mate for life quite charming, and it was with thoughts of you that I acted so rashly to rescue him. From the stock I took, it seems that a fish had landed in a spot not easily reached. Robert decided to daringly collect it, and had become stuck in the rocks. Oh, the noises poor Elizabeth was making! Her distress ran such a pang in my chest and looking around I grabbed a bucket of whale blubber grease, and jumped the side. It took a bit of balance to sidle along to reach Robert, but it did not take long to free him. It was very messy goings though. I had not known the crowd was watching at the time, but it must have looked a sight! I kneeled down and gave him a stern talk on foolishness and thinking about Elizabeth. As it is the 'Neath, I almost expected him to speak in return. All the noise had drawn a crowd of people and I only noticed when they started cheering. I am not often cheered about as you would know, and I acted the part of the beaming hero, despite probably turning a shade to match my hair.